This is me being blunt.  I've joined several writer/publishing/author, etc. groups on Facebook recently and have traveled all around the information super highway at various markets and have stumbled across a plethora of what I deem to be just plain trash.  Cover after sexist cover of bad photography with book names as predictable as the literary diarrhea within them, I'm sure.  I started wondering if there was seriously a market for this rubbish or are these people jumping on the Fifty-Shades-of-Grey bandwagon. 

I've paid very close attention to the music universe since I was young.  I know the radio force-feeds us what they want us to hear, and we can blame the big recording corporations for that.  Fortunately, I learned early in life that the music world is vast - much more so than your average listener realizes - and that within that world some of the greatest written and recorded music you're never going to hear on top 40 radio.  You'll never hear it at all unless you go hunting for it; that, or someone blesses you with a mix tape with never-before-heard treasures. 

The same goes for the movie industry.  Independent films are full of originality, great ideas, excellent writing and dialogue, but we get manipulated into believing that the multi-million dollar budget, hyper-advertised monstrosity starting this Friday is the best movie we've ever seen up to that date.  Unfortunately, most people take it hook in mouth.  Now that I'm paying more attention to the writing/publishing world I'm starting to wonder if it's not run the same way.  The literary powers that be pushing what the current trend is (of course sex will always sell) instead of a well-thought out, unique scenario presented in a fresh way that doesn't feel like we're being spoon fed.  I read the first 100 pages of Twilight.  I predicted the next paragraph before I finished the one prior.  It was insulting to me. 

I know there are excellent books out there, but it's quite disturbing that much of each entertainment market treats the consumer like a bunch of sheep.  Perhaps I should write a book where teenage, sex-starved vampires roam the streets in search of sex, money, and guns while their sex-starved broom-riding teen rivals save the day using sex...and a kitten. 

There's this little thing I do when I'm "writing" something in my head and not yet writing it down or typing it.  I call it "The Stare."  I'll look to the right or left or down and just gaze right through whatever is in my path.  I go into an almost trance-like state.  It's as though my eyes are closed because all I'm really seeing are the ideas.  I do it when an idea strikes me.  I do it during the conceiving stage of any story, book, or short film idea.  I did it just today when I was thinking of this blog entry.   My wife is familiar with "The Stare."  "The Stare" is more penetrating at the very genesis of any new idea.  I feel sorry for whatever it is I'm subconsciously staring at as I build story plots and create characters because it's taking quite a punishment from these eyes.  I wonder if I smile while I do it; finding satisfaction as all the details unfold within my head.  Nah, I don't think I smile, but I do get excited. 

After both my oldest son and my wife had read my latest story, there was a lot of talk about it at my house.  Surprisingly, my youngest (9) took interest and asked if I would read it to him.  I knew there would be some of it that would go over his head but also knew he'd understand enough to appreciate it so I read it to him.  When I got to the end and stopped, he sat up and said "That's it?!  Are you serious.  That's the end?"  He wasn't impressed with the end.  I laughed and took no insult.  He was used to younger audience type things with dumbed down plots and predictability.  This story had none of that.

The next day I would hear from an editor who may have thought the same thing my son did.  I received an email from a publication that I had sent the story to stating they were very interested in publishing my story in their paperback quarterly in July of this year and that they "loved" the story and that it was "wonderful"...The  bad news?  They suggested I write a different ending.  I'll give no spoilers away in this blog, but let me say that the ending allowed for the reader to make up their own mind about it.  I felt it was unpredictable and would linger in the reader's mind for a day or two as they pondered the ending.  A suggestion was made to me to give more closure to the story so it directly answer any questions the reader may have. 

I was both ecstatic (that they wanted my story) and a bit set back (that they would want such a traditional ending).  I thought to myself, "If I change it, is it selling out?  Can I do that?"  The old punk rock ethics in me kicked in immediately.  Could I really change the end of something I was so proud of?  Isn't that compromising my art?  Then the humble, grown husband and father of three started in who reminded me it was only a story.  One that was"loved" and was "wonderful" and that the editor's suggestion wasn't changing the substance of my story in anyway nor did they make suggestions on what should happen but more of "tell us SOMETHING.  Whatever you decide to do, tell us; the reader."    Surely I could come up with something we were both happy with.  It was like I had this devil-and-angel-on-my-shoulders scenario going on.  I listened to both sides and came to the conclusion that I would write the editor expressing why I wrote the end the way I did, my feelings on the ending, and enclose an alternate ending that if they wanted to they could use it and it would be their choice.  

I am filled with overwhelming gratitude and appreciation for this opportunity.  This is what I've been wanting.  To see my name in print with my words and to be able to call myself "published." 

My foot is now in the door and I'll be darned if I'm going to let my old punk rock combat boots kick it in when someone on the other side is trying to open it.

Today I finished the story I'd been working on.  It came together rather quickly.  I wish I could share the whole thing right here, right now.  There are a few avenues I am looking at taking with the story, and for those interested I will  certainly be revealing any info concerning that in the future.  My next step is to proofread it (again), fix some formatting if needed, abide by appropriate submission guidelines and send it out. 

As far as what is next, I've asked the person I'm co-authoring a short with to start first since it was my idea we decided to use.  I already have the beginnings of the story (as well as the end) in my head so to hear what he brings first I feel will act as a stimulant, if you will, triggering a flux of ideas in my own mind as we then start to knead each idea into the other's forming the story as it rises into something neither one of us could have done on our own.  Yes, there is a bread reference in there. 

In the past 3 decades I've been in a large handful of bands, most of which I was the sole writer.  It was lonely; nobody really contributing but instead happily being told what to play and when to play it.  The bands I was in where every member contributed to each song was like a musical family.  It wasn't lonely at all.  In my life I long for fellowship and camaraderie.  I love collaborating with people who are as passionate about something as I am.  It gives me great drive and inspiration.  When I see them slack, it's disheartening and I realize I'm actually alone in the endeavor.  This is usually followed by discouragement and a gradual decline in interest myself. 

I've done many short films where people were extremely excited through the process and it made the whole experience that much more pleasurable.  I teamed up with a person one time to write a screenplay and only weeks later found myself working alone, so the fire went out and it remains a great idea that will most likely never come to fruition.  Recently I began a musical venture with a friend.  The fire went out in them within days and I was left writing alone.  Soon after, per usual, my excitement dissipated followed by abandoning the idea and -- at least for now -- scrapping the whole thing. 

There is something about putting two or more heads together to give birth to something that wouldn't be the same with just one imagination that is very appealing to me.  Since I decided to start writing again, the collaboration idea returned and gnawed at me; an itch that once again I wanted to pursue scratching.  I contacted a published friend of mine and shared with him my interest in working with him on a short story with the hopes of publishing it through one of two independent entities before the summer was up.  We scheduled a "sit-down" and met yesterday to go over the details.

The first encouraging sign was that he brought a schedule book with him with questions written to ask.  To me it spoke professionalism and sincerity.  He took notes through most of our discussion.  I pitched some ideas and we easily agreed on one.  We both felt it was important to set a timeline goal and so one was appointed based upon our relatively busy schedules.   Perhaps this collaboration will not be miscarried but will give birth to ideas that were conceived in the month of May 2014.  I'm hoping for a healthy bouncing baby boy!   

"It's a helluva start,  it could be made into a monster
If we all pull together as a team." ~ Pink Floyd

As some of you know, I work full time staring at a screen and typing all day.  This makes for doing the same exact thing after hours not quite as appealing as I'd like; however, I've had quite a bit of drive as of late.  The encouragement I've gotten from family members and a friend has definitely helped to keep burning the midnight oil this past week. 

There are at least a handful of stories I need to let out and I've been having fun throwing ideas around.  Most of what I've written (and read) in the past has had some sort of thriller/horror element and I was hoping to get away from that, but it's not happening.  The ideas are too satisfying and need to be given birth to.  I plan to really put some miles on my keyboard in the next month or two with a handful of short stories, a children's book I started years ago that I would love to finally be able to tuck in, and this blog. 

On a side note, apparently when I made my original Weebly blog it wasn't a blog after all but a site I had built that looked like a blog yet lacking the proper comment-leaving capabilities and ease I was hoping for.  After a few hours of even more staring at the monitor, I managed to do it right this time.  Comment to your heart's content...and then some! 

The laptop I fixed this weekend is void of any rechargeable juice in its battery.  After several hours of charging it still had little-to-no juice.  I had my latest story opened up in a document and wanted to move the laptop from one room to another.  I made sure the new destination had a free outlet available and secured a nonobstructed path from where the laptop was now to where the laptop would be.  I quickly unplugged it and bolted through two rooms.  My hand directed the plug into it's new outlet with bullseye precision as a spark shot out alerting me a connection had been made.  I turned quickly to face the laptop in hopes of seeing the screen still illuminating with my story staring back.  A dead black screen.  Thankfully I saved the document before the race against the battery. 

Fast forward several hours later when the rest of the family was in bed.  It seems to be when I am the most creative and the most inspired.  After admiring a paragraph I had just written and before I got a chance to save it, the cable to the laptop ever so slightly jiggled in its slot causing the machine to die immediately.  It happened so fast that I initially thought the power had gone out due to the storm we happen to be having, but the living room light and Steely Dan in the background told me otherwise.  Furious, I set down the laptop and went to my study where I jumped on my PC and went straight to Amazon.com where I purchased a replacement battery for said laptop.  This would not happen again. 

For the first time in months I had the entire weekend off from work.  Unfortunately for my wallet, that weekend bled into Monday and now into Tuesday.  This short time off due to lack of work (my job is a feast or famine type of situation at absolutely no notice and you just need to make the best of it) has left me a significant amount of time to reflect and get some projects done.  The reflecting part I think will make for a more constructive and potentially time-consuming change in my near future. 

I've always envied those who were able to call themselves a writer.  "What do you do?" ..."Oh me?...Why, I'm a writer, dear sir.  I formulate and acquaint the English language, manipulating it into honey for those who wish to taste the sweet flavor of mine pen's ink!  I am a storyteller!"

Well, perhaps that's a bit over the top, but nonetheless, writing for me shows someone has a passion they are chasing; something they are disciplining themselves to attain:  That finished piece to share with others.  The ideas transformed onto paper.  The same could be said of an artist, except when I paint it's different for me.  There's nothing therapeutic about it for me; only stress.  I'm a perfectionist and take too much time on things I shouldn't.  Though I love the end result, the ride getting there is not what it is for some; yes, I digress. 

A friend of mine is just a few years out of high school and he is published.  I've been blessed to watch the progress of it all.  From being a teenager giving me his first short story printed out on paper with a staple keeping everything intact in hopes of getting some feedback, to him autographing a copy of his published book and hand delivering it.  He continues to write, to have that passion, that discipline.  I get to watch someone live a small dream of mine as I continue to tell myself that one day, even if it's self publishing, I will leave behind something for friends and family to keep forever.  Well, I'm thinking being 40-something that now's as good a time as any.

Nearly 20 years ago I wrote four short stories that I'm very proud of to this day.  They still hold up and they are unpublished.  I also started a novel and within the past decade I have begun both a nonfiction book as well as a children's book.  The four stories are the only thing finished, and this weekend I made the decision to pursue publication as well as dive back into writing. 

I love recording events (my family can attest to this based on the many birthdays, Christmases, school events, and other special moments videotaped) and so I've decided to record this progress; the adventure of pursuing writing and publication.  You are reading that recording.  Hopefully you'll enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed someone else taking the steps to live their dream while I sat back and watched it unfold.